Vocabulary Lesson: "Man" As A Prefix

I love a portmanteau more as much as the next guy copy editor, but I am not a fan of unnecessary, overly gendered, additions to our pop culture vocabulary. Despite my misgivings, new, inane words, may be here to stay, and continue to grow in our ever expanding lexicon, so we might as well as shoulder the burden by tolerating its existence when we can't stamp it out. (That's right, Old People, stamp it out. You have my permission to correct open a discussion with the misbehaving whippersnappers!)

Most newfangled portmanteaus are my thing, but the one trend that most decidedly is not is adding "man" as a prefix to...just about anything. The general idea seems to enhance an action via an implied Y chromosome, but the effect is an emasculating, sexist term implying the meaning of the regular word is doubly wussy, because, at its default, its inherently womanly.

The most egregious of the man as a prefix is mantrum, the male tantrum, because a childish tantrum can be, apparently, manly. The word proliferated last month in reference to Jon Gosselin (and the whole affair sounded emotionally abusive, how brave, manly, and Brawny-man like is emotional abuse, anyway?) As we all know, Jon Gosselin is a bastion of gentlemanly behavior.

With disgust in mind, I present a variety of man- words, wherein "man" seems inefficient:

• man bag, mansatchel, man purse (items used to carry things—messenger bags, briefcases, book bags—used by men)
• man bench (a bench a man sits on, preferably outside an area, while waiting for his woman)
  
• man brush (hairbrush, comb)
• man cave (underground layer where a man does his manly things, playing Playstation, surrounded by neon beer signs, a game table, and surrounded by dank, dirty carpet; a feature men require on House Hunters)
  
• man cleavage (butt crack, butt cleavage)
• man cry ("To be emotionally or physically sad enough you feel the need to cry, but don't because you're a man.")
• man cold (a cold)
• man decorating (any "decorating" done by men*, specifically Christmas)
• man period (moodiness)
  
• manscaping (hygiene)
  
• mansentials ("all things that are needed by a true man")
• mantrum (tantrum)
• Manwich (brand name for canned Sloppy Joe's introduced by Hunt's in 1969; eaten by adorable children in the commercials; “A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.”)
  

Remove from your lexicon, forthwith!

Additional Resources:
Gosselin's Gal Pal: Jon Throws 'Mantrums', ABC News (What is 'gal pal' anyway? It's his girlfriend.)
Virility Wikipedia article

*For the record, my job at home is decorating. (Admittedly, I am too lazy or too busy in some seasons to get it done, but Christmas is mine. Last winter, when I was mostly immobile, I dictated.)

Vocabulary Lesson: Tweet vs. Microblog

I've noticed that the Twitter explosion has had an unfortunate affect on Old People (and some Young People): the term "tweet" is used interchangeably for long, short, analogue, and digital updates. At the risk of face-palming myself to the afterlife, I thought I might step in.

Tweet: A short 140 character update posted to one's Twitter account. Please note that the update must be 140 characters or less and must involve Twitter.

Microblog: A very short blog. When I was in college the in-class rule was a 200-word minimum. (200 words was also an idea goal, no one wants to read 5,000 words in a single entry.) If your contribution to the Internet is a few sentences at its maximum, without a specific structure (inverted pyramid or otherwise), you have a microblog. A microblog is quick, brief, and may include a photo, audio clip, or bit of text.

Blog: A singular post to a Web site. Like this one. An article on The Huffington Post, an update in a person's LiveJournal, is a blog. Again, if it's 200 words, it's no longer a microblog. A blog can be closed to membership, but it is not an e-mail.

How do you know what to call the item in your hands?

Did you post it (or are planning to) post the update to Twitter? You have a tweet.
Is the item longer than 140 characters and not going to Twitter? You have a microblog.
Is the item longer than 140 character and going to Twitter? You have a tweet. It needs to be edited or it won't post. (If you post from your phone Twitter will cut you off after 140 characters.)
Is the item 200 words or more? It's a blog. Post that baby online!
Is the item offline? It's not a tweet, dude. It's not a blog, or a microblog.
Is the item spoken? Then it's words. Coming out of your mouth. Don't get smart by calling your words "tweets."
Is the item an e-mail? It's an e-mail. An e-mail may be public discourse in the eye of the law in a libel suit, but it's not public enough to be considered a blog, even if the material is sent to 1,000 of your closest friends and family. (That is spam.) It's not a blog. Don't get smart with me, Mom.

What Yahoo! Owns

Yesterday we looked at what Viacom owns. Today? Yahoo!

First, Yahoo, like Google and AOL, owns its own subsites. These include Yahoo Alerts, Answers, Autos, Education, Entertainment, Fantasy Sports, Finance, Foods, Games, Greetings, Health, Horoscopes, Maps (Directions), Personals, Real Estate, Shopping, Sports, Travel, TV, and Weather.

Yahoo! owns:

• Babel Fish – Yahoo! acquired the translator in the late '90s or early '00s.
• del.icio.us
• Fire Eagle
  
• Flickr
• FoxyTunes
  
• HotJobs – Yahoo! purchased HotJobs in 2002 and later add its name to the title.
  
• IndexTools – Purchased and later renamed Yahoo! Web Analytics.
• Upcoming
• Zimbra

Additional Resources:
Yahoo! Everything

What Viacom Owns

So many channels, newspapers, and stores are larger entity. Today, we examine Viacom's ownership. For example, Martin + Osa is owned by American Eagle, Hollister is owned by Abercrombie & Fitch, and Nike manufactures Converse.

Viacom owns cable and satellite network, Paramount, various Web sites. Viacom is No. 3 media conglomerate, ranking behind Disney and News Corporation.

Viacom split in 2005, forming "old" Viacom (now called CBS Corporation) and "new" Viacom.

Viacom owns...

• BET Networks
  BET
  BET Canada
  BET Gospel
  BET Hip-Hop
  Centric
  
• MTV Networks
  Atom Films
  Addicting Games
  Comedy Central
  Country Music Television (CMT)
  CMT Pure Country
  CMT Canada
  GameTrailers
  GoCityKids
  Harmonix
  iFilm
  Logo
  MTV
  MTV2
  MTV Tr3s
  MTV Hits
  MTV International
  mtvU
  MTV News
  Neopets
  Nickelodeon
  Nick 2
  Nick Jr.
  Nicktoons
  Nitrome Limited
  Palladia
  Shockwave.com
  Spike (formerly TNN)
  TeenNick
  TV Land
  TV Land Canada
  Quizilla
  VH1
  VH1 Classic
  VH1 Soul
  Xfire
  
• Paramount Motion Pictures Group
  DreamWorks
  MTV Films
  Nickelodeon Films
  Paramount
  Paramount Home Entertainment
  Paramount Vantage
  

Culture Lesson: Soul Cake

Are you confused about Sting's new song "Soul Cake"?

Let me help you. Soul cake is a "small round cake which is traditionally made for All Souls' Day to celebrate the dead." MMMM!

The more cakes you eat, the more souls you save from purgatory. Now be a good Christian and eat some cake! If belatedly. But in my defense, Sting's album is kind of Christmas-y (and based on this novel).

Additional Resources:
Soul Cake Wikipedia article

Culture Lesson: Christian Audigier, the man behind fashion and asshattery

Christian Audigier is a French fashion designer responsible for the decline in American fashion and increase in visible douche baggery as the primary force behind Von Dutch and Ed Hardy.

Audigier is also the man behind Smet. (Fun fact: the Web site is blocked from my office's server. Is it because Smet is appallingly ugly?) You may recognize Smet as the brand frequently emblazoned across the chest of Ghost Adventures leader Zak Bagans or the focus of a competition on Rock of Love Charm School. (Don't look at me like that. Junk television is my main weakness!)

Whatever. Audigier is a rich, rich man, and here is the background on his fashion empire:

Von Dutch Named after artist Kenny Howard (1929–1992), the label is best known as the brand on Ashton Kutcher's head during the years he appeared in Punk'd and forcing trucker hats on the heads of million across our great nation.

And let us not forget that Howard was a neo nazi.

Ed Hardy Named after artist Ed Hardy (b. 1945), the label is known for its cheesy, tacky, and tasteless large-scale artwork adorning clothing, car air freshners, cologne bottles, and Jon Gosselin. The real Hardy was a student of tattoo legend Sailor Jerry (1911–1973), which explains the "throwback" style of the clothing line, which features tigers, babes, sailors, anchors, dice, miscellaneous wild cats, meant to look like tattoo flash. It's like a non-permanent tattoo! (Please note that Audigier's bran site is www.donedhardy.com.)

Audigier licensed the rights to Hardy's style/images in 2004.

Smet is Audigier's clothing line with French rock and roll super star Johnny Hallyday. Both were featured as judges on the aforementioned episode of Rock of Love Charm School.

Crystal Rock is Audigier's clothing line with his daughter Crystal. Daughter and clothing were the focus of a particularly opulent episode of My Super Sweet 16:

My Super Sweet 16 - MTV Shows

Today Audigier is better known for his friendship with Jon and Kate Plus 8ight star Jon Gosselin and his proliferation across MTV network(s).

What's most important here, Old People, is that you stray from wearing a shirt with a tiger's face and studded with crystals. (You won't even find Audigier in his clothes.)

If this has you feeling a little down, Funny or Die published a satirical video last month:

The Ed Hardy Boyz: The Case of the Missing Sick Belt Buckle from Jon Daly

Additional Resources:
Christian Audigier Web site
"brand" Web site
Von Who?, OC Weekly, 2004
Trucker Hats, Tattoos, and Madonna, Business Week

Half-Assed Lesson: Large Hadron Collider

(hat tip to my friend Becki; the video's star is Kate McAlpine, you can read more here)

This video should explain, in full, what the purpose of Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is and what it does. If it doesn't, I present CERN's explanation followed by a short, tidy list (it's my birthday) regarding the Collider:

From CERN:

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is a gigantic scientific instrument near Geneva, where it spans the border between Switzerland and France about 100 m underground. It is a particle accelerator used by physicists to study the smallest known particles – the fundamental building blocks of all things. It will revolutionise our understanding, from the minuscule world deep within atoms to the vastness of the Universe.

Two beams of subatomic particles called 'hadrons' – either protons or lead ions – will travel in opposite directions inside the circular accelerator, gaining energy with every lap. Physicists will use the LHC to recreate the conditions just after the Big Bang, by colliding the two beams head-on at very high energy. Teams of physicists from around the world will analyse the particles created in the collisions using special detectors in a number of experiments dedicated to the LHC.

There are many theories as to what will result from these collisions, but what's for sure is that a brave new world of physics will emerge from the new accelerator, as knowledge in particle physics goes on to describe the workings of the Universe. For decades, the Standard Model of particle physics has served physicists well as a means of understanding the fundamental laws of Nature, but it does not tell the whole story. Only experimental data using the higher energies reached by the LHC can push knowledge forward, challenging those who seek confirmation of established knowledge, and those who dare to dream beyond the paradigm.

• The LHC was built to observe smashing protons.


• So scientists (CERN) can properly observe Higgs boson. Higgs boson is related to the Standard Model. Scientists expect, if the Standard Model is correct, a single Higgs boson every few hours.


• It's cost billions. And it's huge.


• Prior to the first proton firing in September 2008, and official "opening" the following month, morons across the globe were convinced the device would open wormholes and we would all die. The machine was turned on, we did not die, and then it sputtered.


• It was turned on last month after a year of repairs. We have not yet died.


• The project has been plagued with problems. There have been vacuum leaks, helium leaks, and problems getting the whole thing running. So it hasn't actually been on long enough yet to anything to be properly observed.


• And, from Wikipedia:
  

  The novel Angels & Demons, by Dan Brown, involves antimatter created at the LHC to be used in a weapon against the Vatican. In response CERN published a "Fact or Fiction?" page discussing the accuracy of the book's portrayal of the LHC, CERN, and particle physics in general.[60] The movie version of the book has footage filmed on-site at one of the experiments at the LHC; the director, Ron Howard, met with CERN experts in an effort to make the science in the story more accurate.[61]

  OK, if you're reading Dan Brown, I'm not sure I can help you learn anything.

Additional Information:
Official Web site
Wikipedia article
Large Hadron Collider Rap Video Is a Hit, National Geographic
The Collider, the Particle and a Theory About Fate, The New York Times
Is The Large Hadron Collider Being Sabotaged from the Future?, io9
Large Hadron Collider switched on after year of repairs, The Times Online