Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Culture Lesson: Inclusive Language and Second-Person Pronouns

As a follow-up to my previous post, I'd like to talk more about gendered and inclusive language!

When addressing a group, many people use the phrase, "you guys." Admittedly, Boomers and Old People are not likely to do this, as it's extremely casual and not professional. Not all people are guys, and as a phrase, it's not inclusive to many people at all! 

Unfortunately, a lot of cute alternative suggestions circulate online: Comrades (that one offends me), glitter kitten, kiddos (wildly condescending), theydies and gentlethems, and buckaroos. These terms are patronizing and condescending, and as a result, infers a non-binary (agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree) person "less than." (Plus it reinforces the gender binary.)

Yinz is great, but it's limited to the Pittsburgh (and Western Pennsylvania) region. Yinz is an extension of "you" and "youse," which is perfectly fine.

My nephew likes "people," but outside the context of a toddler cheering, "Good morning, people," it's a bad fit; "you people" has long been used against Black people for a very long time. (I yell, "GOOD MORNING PEOPLE," at my plants every morning.) When I year "good people" it makes me feel like the speaker is preparing to proselytize.

As a former food service professional, I relied on, "Hey guys!" a lot, and it was a hard habit to break. It's embarrassing, too, because it's a holdover from my childhood, when the "proper" term for groups of mixed-gender people was to take the "male" version (steward, actor, policeman, snowman), which I didn't agree with then, either. I looked for the right phrase for years, and here it is:

"Hey everybody!"

A nice alternative is "folks" and "ya'll," which is perfect, except when it comes out of my mouth. When I say, "ya'll," it sounds disingenuous and wrong, two attitudes that do not lead to lucrative tips or imply excellent customer service. (I grew up in a small town and spent over 30 years shaking it off of me.) Comedian Hannah Gadsby called it, "The most inclusive second-person plural pronoun in the English-speaking world!" 

A lot of the Facebook groups I'm in are populated and administered by kind, progressive people. The interests (writing, gardening, true crime, Golden Girls) are often "female-based," but that's not always true of membership, or frankly, the hobby. One, men can like these things too (look at male authors or my grandfather, who read true crime non-fiction). Also, non-binary people also have hobbies and interests. "Hey ladies," is usually "banned" from these groups as a greeting. It's a good idea to check the rules of a group you're in when you join (the rules are usually in the sidebar on the right). Sometimes, these groups may allow themed terms, (for example, a gardening group I'm in often uses "sprouts" or "fronds"), but that's just too much. Why strip people of their humanity when you can be inclusive instead?

If you need all of those extra ideas, maybe the problem is less about words and more about one's inability to treat others with kindness and respect. So just say "everybody," or if you're kind, "ya'll." 

It's been a long time since I launched this blog. I talk about "Old People" in this post. Old People does not refer to Baby Boomers exclusively, and as times have changed, it is less and less likely that a Boomer is an exclusive audience for a Lesson, especially a cultural one! 

Resources:
Douglas by Hannah Gadsby on Netflix

Yinz, Wikipedia

The trends that may end the “y’all” vs “you guys” debate, Quartz

7 Racially Coded Phrases That Everyone Needs to Stop Saying About Black People, Everyday Feminism

Saturday, November 7, 2020

Culture Lesson: Pronouns and Gender Identity

Pronouns! After ten years, it's time we talked about he, she, they, and them. I suppose this was familiar to me in 2010, and I apologize that this blog's culture lessons have not discussed issues related to the LGBTQIA+ and BIPOC (lessons on those abbreviations to come!) communities more deeply.

October 21st was International Pronouns Day! It's celebrated on the third Wednesday of October every year. The holiday aims to normalize sharing personal pronouns. This blog endorses the holiday: 

I endorse International Pronouns Day, which seeks to make respecting, sharing, and educating about personal pronouns commonplace. Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Being referred to by the wrong pronouns particularly affects transgender and gender-nonconforming people. Together, we can transform society to celebrate people’s multiple, intersecting identities. I encourage colleges, schools, workplaces, and local organizations to hold educational and empowering events on International Pronouns Day.

So, what can you do, to be a better neighbor? Ask a person for their pronouns before making an assumption. Asking anyone, regardless of whether you think they're cis-gendered makes for a normal experience, allowing a queer person ease to share their full person with the world.  Sinclair Sexsmith explains:

When you do that, I feel more comfortable putting my pronouns — they/them. I feel more comfortable being visibly out as nonbinary. I feel more comfortable asking people to use the pronouns that feel most like me, that make me feel most seen and whole, instead of just resolving to be mis-gendered and mis-represented and whatever who cares anyway.

...I automatically feel warmer toward you — regardless of your gender or presentation. I feel much more comfortable talking to you, because you already tell me you know a little about gender.
A small, easy action you can take is adding your pronouns to your social media profiles, e-mail signatures, and nametags. It signals that you are an open, welcoming, and inclusive person. For example, my e-mail signature says:
Katherine M. Hill
Pronouns: She, Her, Hers
Are you worried about how to address this verbally? Slip it in during a friendly introduction: Hi! I'm Katherine. My pronouns are she/her. Or, It's nice to meet you Violet! What are your pronouns? And, I'm so sorry, I didn't get your pronouns! Can you share them with me? (If someone says no, say, OK. In fact, this article calls the request "...An exercise in power; a form of social coercion that only masquerades as inclusion. In linguistic terms, such requests 'position' the recipient of the request against their will and without their permission.")

A person can declare any pronouns they choose. A person can choose they/them (in any capacity) and remain cis-gendered, just as a person can use binary pronouns and be transgendered. Any choice is fine! Much in the way you would respect a person's name, you should respect a person's pronouns. 

You might make a mistake. That's fine! You can correct yourself as you go. You can ask for clarification in the midst of your monologue. And you can apologize after you've made a mistake. You don't have to rake yourself over the coals (that makes people uncomfortable), you just have to be sincere and make an effort to improve. (This is a good guideline in general.)  

In addition to the "standard" pronouns, a person may choose ze/zir, per/pers, ey/em, xe/xem, or no pronouns at all. Remember, the rules of grammar have evolved over time, just as you have. You can adapt to the "grammatically incorrect" use of they if a person prefers "they" over "him" or "her." A person is more important than grammar, and frankly, grammar is the wrong hill to die on in this century. And: it's not your call as a cis-gendered person which non-binary pronoun is the most grammatically appropriate. It's your call to honor a person's request.

What if a person prefers no pronouns? Use the person's name, and other nouns to describe the individual: friend, person, colleague, co-worker, neighbor, and community advocate are some examples.

A person's pronouns (and lack thereof) may change overtime. Some people find the limited options exhausting. Others feel that the existing pronouns in our language are inadequate and don't fit correctly. Those individuals may find a pronoun that does fit--or may not! 

I found this advice from PFLAG helpful:

To begin practicing not using pronouns, the first thing is to get used to starting sentences with the person’s name. That way, there is no confusion about the subject of the sentence. If the person is in the room, the second person pronoun you is universally applicable. Some good replacements for reflexive pronouns, (himself, themselves, myself, etc.), that I use are: alone, solo, unattended, independently, in solitude, without prompting, and free from the boss’s gaze. Remember that even though they/them pronouns are great for a lot of people, if a person uses no pronouns at all, using they/them pronouns to refer to that person is still incorrect.

The key to respecting people who don’t use pronouns is practice. Ask someone to practice gushing about your pronoun-less friend with you. If you have yet to meet a person who uses no pronouns, you can still practice. Pick a name at random, talk about a real person, or talk about a pet, (I promise, pets don’t subscribe to the gender binary). If you can, do this work without your friend there, as hearing you make mistakes and using pronouns can feel hurtful. No one is born understanding all about gender, so there is room for error starting out. Do your best to respond with respect and affirmation. In time, it will feel more natural. Just keep that commitment to respecting people’s pronouns and lack of pronouns up, and you’ll do just fine!


By the way, singular personal pronouns (you, yours, yourself, me, mine, myself) remain unchanged. Mister and miss remain rooted in the gender binary, though Mx. ("mix") can be a nice alternative.

Sources:

International Pronouns Day

This International Pronouns Day, Celebrate Why Pronouns Matter, Human Rights Campaign

mypronouns.org

Dear (Cis) People Who Put Your Pronouns On Your “Hello My Name Is” Name Tags, Sinclair Sexsmith

“No, You Can’t Have My Pronouns!”, M.J. Murphy on Medium

What do you do when someone doesn’t use any pronouns?, PFLAG


This post was updated to expand the Lesson on no pronouns. 

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Lesson: How To View Profile Photos On Facebook

I was walking through Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn today when a man complimented me on my face mask. I was thrilled--I have a seasonal mask and I thought more people would compliment it, but until this afternoon not one person had acknowledged how clever I am. (Well, how clever Zephra is, she made it!) I was also on the phone with my mom, and she wanted to see the mask, seeing that I had already whined, rather petulantly. 

So I advised my mom to pull up my Facebook.

Oh, but it's not my profile photo, my profile photo is a selfie with the Home Depot skeletons!

And then I gave her the wrong directions for how to find the old photo. 

A niche Lesson to be sure, but a public apology nevertheless. 

How To View Profile Photos On Facebook

  1. Go to www.facebook.com and log in, if necessary.

  2. Go to the profile you want to visit. Type the person's name in the search bar, located in the top left corner of the webpage.

  3. Click the individual's profile photo.


  4. A drop-down menu will appear. Choose VIEW PROFILE PICTURE.


  5. Now my profile photo has popped up in its own dialogue box. Click the arrow to the right of the photo to go backward.


  6. There's the photo we were looking for!




But wait, there's another way you could have done this. When you pull up a person's profile, you can click PHOTOS. Then you click ALBUMS.


As you'll see, the first option is PROFILE PHOTOS. You'll see the same results below, without scrolling:



Is Lessons for Old People back? Kind of! Stay tuned.


Sunday, July 17, 2016

Culture Lesson: Pokémon GO



Pokémon GO
 is a videogame sweeping the nation. The free mobile game is the latest installment in the very popular Pokémon series.

Pokémon was introduced to the market in Japan in 1996. The games were developed for Gameboy, and are known as Red and Green; the games were extremely successful and released internationally as Red and Blue in 1998.  Subsequent releases include Black and WhiteYellowGold and SilverRuby and SapphireSun and MoonX and Y, and Diamond and Pearl. In addition to the videogames, there have been several animated series, a number of manga series, and films.

The plot of Pokémon is that small, animal-like "pocket monster" exist in the world to be captured and trained. The monsters can then fight each other. The world is probably saved as a result. Pokémon Go allows the user to act as a trainer and capture pokémon in the real world environment; the monsters are found in habitats relevant to their personality. Water monsters are near water, and in the case of this stampede, a rare animal was found in its habitat, Central Park.

The game has caused some controversies, with people injuring them selves during play, and various sites and museums banning the game. The game is free to play, but requires data and swiftly uses the smartphone's battery.

(The games were popular with a variety of ages, but because it did so well with the single-digit set, I felt like I was both Too Cool and Too Old, which is to say, I've never played, and am happy to include feedback from real gameplayers.)

Additional Resources:
Pokémon GOWikipedia

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Vocabulary Lesson: Woke

Woke, as a slang term, means to be aware and informed of what's going on around you.

As a slang term, it is popularly used in the Black community--though apparently Tila Tequlia (herself not an activist) uses it as well. Though the phrase "stay woke" was particularly popular in 2014, Erykah Badu used it in her 2009 song "Master Teacher."

The most popular and frequent usage is "stay woke." This NYMag article tried "wokest."

Usually the awareness would be toward a socioeconomic or political situation, like the Black Lives Matters movement. (And not a batshit conspiracy that the world is flat.)

Don't fight it. And unless you're Black, don't say it. You'll look fake.

Edited to add this video, where DeRay McKesson explains woke to Stephen Colbert:


Additional Resources:
What does "I stay woke" mean?, Yahoo Answers
www.brainjet.com/pop-culture/7833/27-top-slang-words-of-2014-do-you-know-what-they-mean, Brainjet
Stay Woke: All the New Slang of 2014 in One Video, Complex
Stay woke, Urban Dictionary
woke, Urban Dictionary

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Vocabulary Lesson: IANAL

I mark my victorious return with a quick lesson. IANAL is an abbreviated way of saying I Am Not A Lawyer.

Typing "IANAL" saves the speaker time; it is frequently found on forums (as opposed to articles, blogs, or private chat), particularly when responding to a person seeking legal counsel and advice. The person would provide to abbreviation as protection before proffering advice.

IANAL but...[legal advice and opinion].
A similar disclosure is TINLA, This Is Not Legal Advice, though I see it less frequently.

Additional Resources:
IANAL and IDKWITA, Ask Metafilter
IANAL, Wikipedia

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Vocabulary Lesson: Bae

Bae is a popular word used by Young People. When used by Young People, it means "babe" or "baby," and is meant as a romantic gesture. (There is some thought that it is an acronym and stands for Before Anyone Else, but this is erroneous.)

Per Time: "...Today bae is used as a term of endearment, often referring to your boyfriend or girlfriend. Or perhaps a prospect who might one day hold such a lofty position."

The word has been around for years, but was popularized by Pharrell, who released the single "Come Get It Bae" in June:



And now white people are co-opting the word, and frankly, looking kind of stupid.

As for how to use it in conversation, Time recommends:
A good rule of thumb for now at least: if you would use the words boo or babe in some circumstance, you can probably use bae.
But if you have to ask, you shouldn't make an attempt. And Michael Che agrees:

Additional Lessons:
This Is What Bae Means, Time
Bae, Urban Dictionary